Mmm… Wonderful Smell!
Had my essential oil delivery this morning. Lemongrass, Petitgrain, Bergamot, Lavender and Clary Sage. The last three will be used during labour only so I have to hide them away in my birthing basket until the time comes. We’ve got the Lemongrass going in an oil burner right now, the house smells so fresh and invigorating.
Clary Sage actually has to be avoided during pregnancy, but is good during labour as it can strengthen contractions. It also lifts your spirits and reduces anxiety.
Bergamot is just an uplifting scent and Lavender is relaxing and calming.
I’m a bit wary of using the oils on my skin (even with carrier oil) but it would be lovely to have a back massage during labour! Perhaps I’ll use the Clary Sage in a carrier oil during labour, it seems to be the most useful.
The Lemongrass and Petitgrain are for our own use around the house, we both love citrus-y smells and it’ll be a change from the usual joss sticks that we light - particulary Nag Champa and a Clove and Mint mix!
Time for a positive thought!
I love being pregnant!
I have insomnia, heartburn, weight gain, SPD and more but this is the best thing that has happened to me and my body.
I’m so in love with my little one already and feel like a mother even before I have birthed my baby.
I can’t to experience giving birth and seeing my baby for the first time. I can’t wait to feed my baby and hold him/her close to me. I can’t wait to hand him/her over to Jeff and see his reaction towards his first born. I can’t wait to introduce him/her to Sky and the cats and see their reaction! And I can’t wait for our first night as a whole family.
I feel much better now!
BANG! And the bubble bursts.
My dreams of becoming a midwife are over before they’ve even begun.
I knew it’d be a hard slog to achieve, what with me having to re-do qualifications and whatnot but I wasn’t prepared for how much and how long it would take.
Study time total is 8 YEARS. 3 years of which is full-time on the midwifery course.
Total cost is £4,200 without expenses.
All that is time and money that I just can’t afford. So there we have it, I’m not going to be a midwife. In a couple of years I’ll look into training as a doula, at the moment there are absolutely no courses near me… in fact there are no courses in Wales!
I wasn’t looking to start any training until my little one was old enough anyway, but now at least I know. Oh well…
Today’s Midwife Appointment
Today’s appointment went fantastically! Although it could’ve gone in another direction (nearly went to see a midwife who seemed grumpy and uninterested) but fate stepped in and pointed me in Julie’s direction!
Blood pressure was checked - all fine, heartbeat checked - all fine too, 142bpm this time, baby’s position checked - head down, anterior but not engaged yet, still measuring 2 weeks ahead of time but no biggy. IF I do need to go for a scan it won’t be until I’m 40 weeks, otherwise they’d have me there every couple of weeks - no point in that.
We had a chat about what previous midwife said regarding scans and so on and you’ll never guess what she said? “Even if the baby is big what difference does it make?”. I was so happy hearing that and she said that the hospital can recommend not having a homebirth for a big baby but I don’t have to take their ‘advice’.
Everything she was saying was on my wavelength, she loves homebirths and didn’t treat me like just a patient. She talked to me about choices, basically told me I’m in charge (which I already knew ;)) and has booked my 36 week appointment to see her specifically, at home no less! Ok, so it’s mostly because she wants to go through lists and have me sign this risk factor form (which she herself said was ridiculous) but she didn’t have to do that. I’ve got her phone number too, really hope baby comes during the day so I can request her as my midwife (there’s at least 10 assigned to this area). I know the chances of that happening are slim but I can hope!
Seeing her reinforced my decision to work towards a degree in Midwifery in the future. I have barely enough qualifications to start though, so I’m going to speak to a careers advisor and see if there’s any way to get in without 3/4 years of studying beforehand. Obviously my baby is going to come first and I won’t be doing anything until I feel confident leaving him/her for a couple of hours… I could start a one-night-a-week course in September doing English but baby will be just 5 months old then and I’m not weaning that early, no way! (And I can hear the “It’s only one night a week!” exclamations but it’s for three hours and I don’t believe in using bottles, OK?!
Right, so I’ll be seeing Julie at home on the 20th of March. Perhaps I’ll be able to talk to her more about my wishes for the birth… we’ll see!
Nesting is Fun!
I finally cleaned up my birthing room today. I’ve hidden all bulky things that won’t be needed for a while like the carseat and Jeff’s pushchair. I spent an hour getting threads and fur out of the carpet (it used to be my sewing room & I let the cats in) with a rubber broom head. The CD player is set up along with CDs and a lamp, there’s glow in the dark stars on the wall and the duvet I’ll be giving birth on is in a corner with my birthing ball. And my beautiful pregnant goddess statue that Jess bought for me is sitting in her place. There’s still a few things I need to get, like candles; essential oils & burner and more but the main part is over, it’s clean and practically ready. I spent twenty minutes in there earlier, sat on the ball, closed the curtains and played my Sacred Drums CD… It was so relaxing! That’s always been my favourite room in the house and cleaning it up reinforced that.
I’ve had a cold for the past couple of days so doing my hypnobirthing breathing exercises has been put off until I can shake it. Typical that I get a cold the same week I get my books! On the plus side I’ve had time to read Ina May’s Guide To Childbirth. What a great book! It’s opened my eyes even further and I’m only half way through… at the end my eyes will be so open they’ll be popping out of their sockets!! The only problem with these books is that nobody else that I know feels the same. It’s all “you’ll be begging for pain relief” and “you MUST do as you’re told”. My inner voice is screaming at them ‘IT’S MY BODY! IT KNOWS WHAT TO DO! STOP TELLING ME THAT I’M INADEQUATE!’. I can only hope that my midwife isn’t a domineering b**** and that Jeff respects my decisions and doesn’t think that midwife’s word is the be all and end all. Ok… this is turning into another rant! Speaking of which, I’ve been IMMENSELY sensitive lately. It doesn’t take much to get me blubbering, actually, just thinking about crying makes me cry!
I’m really looking forward to my appointment on Wednesday, I wonder if baby has grown much. I know that his/her movements have become more intense and painful recently. I’m going to take their measurements with a pinch of salt - the amount of stories I’ve heard! For example - “your baby’s too big, you won’t be able to have a normal birth” says Dr, then after having a cesarean it turns out that baby weighs just 6lbs! Have I already written about that? Probably, oh well! Also, I must remember to bring up my concerns about Carol and our pets to whichever midwife is there.
Anyway, I’d better get some sleep now… Nearly midnight!
Back to the Names Blackboard!
Well, sort of. We still like Dharma and Inigo but now we’re wondering if maybe we should have a couple of back up names aswell, just in case we look at baby when s/he’s born and think “You don’t look like a Dharma/Inigo!”.
So I’ve been perusing all the baby name websites and as usual haven’t come up with very much! There is one name that I really like, Jeff is sitting on the fence with it at the moment though. I’d better not pester him with too many names or he’ll start coming up with silly ones or just want to settle on something like ‘Bob’! He seemed to like my favourite name, and it’s unisex… So maybe?
What? You want to know what it is? Nah I’m not telling… Oh ok it’s…
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INDIGO, or Indi for short. I love it so much! It’s what I’d change my name to if I could, so that must be a good sign?! And I really don’t care what people think, we could be calling our baby Moonstar Sunbeam and it wouldn’t be any of their business.
Anyway, Jeff will probably decide he hates it so I’d better not get too attatched. Dharma still has special meaning though, perhaps we’ll use it as a middle name if not the first. Inigo hasn’t any special meaning so it’s one of those names that I can easily put aside. This naming business is so hard! Trying to find a name that appeals to both of us is near impossible and I don’t want to laden the kid with something too over the top but everything else seems so boring and common!
Indigo is still at the top of the list on the desktop notepad, along with Dharma and Inigo. We’ll just have to see I suppose 
Urges
I’m feeling urges to start getting things ready for this birth. I’ve mentally started going through the house, making a list of things that need to be done before baby comes, like cleaning my birthing room carpet; washing rugs for our bedroom floor; replacing the tatty old cat scratching post; paint the area around the shower unit from the time we replaced it and so on. And there’s things that I feel I should purchase - a step to easily get in and out of the shower; scented candles; a cd player; plastic sheeting and old sheets; old towels and again the list goes on!
I want to get my birthing room ready, have everything I’ll be needing in there just waiting for the day. Is this my subconscience telling me that maybe perhaps we won’t make it to term? I had a crazy feeling earlier today that that might be the case. Just as long as baby holds out until my birthday (at which point I’ll be 37 weeks).
I have one concern at the moment. My midwife. She won’t be around until I’m about 38 weeks and doesn’t like cats and dogs. It’ll be too late by that time to change midwives if she turns up for my labour. I really don’t want her phobias making her uncomfortable and maybe making unwise decisions - for example, maybe it’ll go on too long for her liking and she’ll want a transfer. I know that in the end it will be my choice but I don’t know how Jeff will react faced with an ‘authority’ figure trying to scare us. I’m scared that I’ll get bullied into leaving my safe, comfortable area to a hostile, clinical room. I’m scared that all my visions for a natural birth will go out the window because my midwife is uncomfortable in my home. There’s only one thing for it, next week I’ll have to voice my fears to whichever midwife I end up seeing.
Who would have thought the most basic, instinctive, natural and personal act of giving birth could bring about so many fears of interference. I know that so many people reading this will think “that’s what they’re there for” and “what if something goes wrong?” but the majority of the time things only go wrong because of interference. That birthstory I posted earlier for example, if you read the story of her next son she realised what the midwives had done wrong, how certain things could have been avoided.
Anyway, this of course is just my opinion, BUT, this is MY body and MY body will be birthing MY baby. So why shouldn’t it go the way I want?
Wonderful, beautiful, inspiring birth story…
I am encouraging any readers of my blog to read the following birth story. To say it moved me is an understatement! It is what birthing should be - a birth, not a medical procedure. Thanks to Margerle for sharing this on BabyandBump.
Blog Clean Up
I decided to remove all my Winter Walk to Valentine posts. I felt they were getting in the way of what this blog was originally started for - my pregnancy.
It was fun while it lasted but now it’s over and I want my blog to get back to it’s roots!
It is now purely pregnancy and baby orientated.
32 week bump pictures!
Just a quickie tonight to post a couple of photos…
I’ll have to do a comparison thread soon to see how big I’ve gotten!
My book says that baby weighs about 4lbs now! If s/he is big then it’s at least 4lbs!
